How the Design of your House can affect your Family-Life

by Janet Powell, The Parenting Coach

As a parent, when looking to buy a house, renovate your home or build a new one, thinking about the needs of the family members is a good place to start. The other intangible to consider is the sort of family you are trying to create. What are the attributes and values you want to teach your children? Some houses will make it easier to meet those needs and teach those values, while other houses could hinder this. It comes down to the design of the house and garden, and how you use your spaces.
For example, young children have many specific needs in relation to their family.
These include:
Security and Safety
Guidance and Help
Physical Touch
Effective Communication 
A sense of Belonging and Connection 
Acknowledgement and Understanding of Emotions

All of these important and basic needs can be met more easily and effectively if there is a physical closeness to the rest of the family, in particular, the parents. So if the house has more family or common space, and less alone space, there will be greater opportunity for the family members to be together. Teaching and role-modelling by the parents of the sort of behaviour which is appropriate is more likely to happen if the children are within sight. More satisfying relationships can be developed, and communication will be better if there is greater connection in the home.

Design features which will promote and encourage this closeness are:

A space big enough to hold the family dining table, so a routine of eating at least one meal per day together can be achieved. This will allow for conversations in which everyone can share their joys and concerns, needs and wants, plans and expectations; small problems may be resolved or prevented; and family values, including  table manners, are passed on.

An area where screen activities can be enjoyed together. Young children benefit from having a parent with them to supervise and share television programs and computer games. You do need to know what they are watching and playing, so that it is age-appropriate and aligned to your family values. Televisions and computers are not recommended to be part of a young child’s bedroom furniture. By the time your children are teenagers, hopefully you’ll have passed on sensible habits and boundaries, so they will be responsible enough to have control over their own rooms.

Shelves, cupboards, toyboxes in a common area for storage of books, games and toys as options for family relaxation time. Don’t let the TV be the sole focus of your family space.

A play area connected to where the adults spend much of their time. This doesn’t have to be a separate room – it could be part of the family room or kitchen. A separate play-room filled with toys might sound like a good idea, but it can actually give a child a feeling of isolation and overwhelm. Children want to be near their parents!

If you earn your living from home and work when the children are around, think about how you can be visible to them. Could you put a desk or table near yours for your children to draw at, or a comfortable chair for reading a book in?

Have bedrooms which are close together. Take care not to separate young children’s bedrooms from each other’s and from your bedroom. Having the children’s rooms close to each other and to yours will help them to feel secure and safe, and part of a caring family. Not every child needs to have his/her own room – sharing a bedroom with a brother or sister can be very comforting for a child who is nervous at night, and develops a closer bond between siblings. Knowing that Mum, or Dad, is in the room nearby generally makes it easier for a child to happily go to sleep.

Two-storey houses are more suitable for teenagers than toddlers. Older children can better manage the inevitable disconnection that comes with a family living on more than one level. If you’d like to save yourself the prospect of running up and down stairs at bedtime, or having an upset child constantly looking for you downstairs, consider delaying a move into a two-storey house. Again, children feel more comfortable and secure when they are close to their parents, even in bed.

Position the children’s rooms away from the front door. One of the roles of a parent is to protect their children, so it makes more sense to have the parents’ bedroom, not the children’s, at the front of the house, or near the entry. A child who sleeps in a room closest to the front door may feel vulnerable and unsafe.

Your kitchen is likely to be the centre of family activity, so make sure it’s big enough for more than just the cook! Getting your children involved in preparing a meal with you is a great way to connect, share what’s happened in the day, teach them useful food skills and show that you like their company. Helping to set and clear the table and do the dishes are also things you can ask your children to do. Is your kitchen child-friendly? Sharp implements up high, everyday crockery at child-level, dishwasher accessible – these are things to consider when designing your kitchen.

Have the entertainment centre (TV, stereo, etc.) away from your children’s bedrooms. Sharing a common wall between the bedroom and the noise area can make it harder for a child to turn off and go to sleep or do homework.

An outside space which is safe and suitable for active play. Make things a bit easier for yourself by encouraging the children to play in your own yard, rather than feeling you have to take them to a park often. Whether your child is playing alone, with a sibling or a friend, outdoor play is a vital part of their growth and development. Active, unstructured and imaginative play in a relaxed environment is important for good health, fitness and mental well-being. So don’t stress about having the perfectly landscaped garden while your children are young – there’s plenty of time for that when they no longer want to play “chasey” or kick a ball around. Let them have fun in their own backyard!

Providing plenty of opportunities for the family to come together and interact will result in closer relationships, better communication, greater understanding and more effective role-modelling by parents. And if you are trying to create a harmonious family where each member looks out for the other – a great team – look for ways in your home to promote consideration and co-operation. Your children can’t learn from you if you all spend the majority of your time at home in separate rooms.

© Janet Powell, The Parenting Coach, 2010

Janet Powell is The Parenting Coach of Mentor Maestro, and is an Accredited Parent Effectiveness Training (PET) Instructor and Parenting Your Way coach. Parenting seminars, group courses or private coaching can make your parenting easier and more fun!   Call Janet on 03 9889 3991 to find out how. For your free parenting tips, go to www.mentormaestro.com.au  and sign up for the e-newsletter.