By Janet Powell, The Parenting Coach
Many parents of young children tell me that bedtime is one of the most stressful times of every day. When you realise that you have to go through this routine day in, day out for quite a few years, that’s a lot of stress on parents and children.
Different parents have different bedtime practices – that is, the ways of getting their children ready and into bed, and the time they decide is appropriate. But there is one thing in common to all parents – if the children are not happy to go to bed when and how the parents decide, then there is tension in the family. And tension in the evening is not helpful for anyone’s sleep.
So what can parents do to get their children into bed happily and at a reasonable time, to prevent this night-time stress?A routine that works for you and your child, that you can stick to, is a great start. A routine is important for your child because s/he will know what happens next and what you expect of her/him. There won’t be any unexpected things to worry about, and pushing of boundaries will be minimised. Of course there will be times when the routine goes out the window – it’s Saturday night and you have friends over with their children, or you’re all out at a family celebration. But if you can find a routine that allows your child to wind down and be in bed most nights at an appropriate time that gives you a chance to relax, then you will all win.
What does a good routine include?
- A gradual wind-down from the day’s activities. For a pre-schooler, this could mean no stimulating games after 5 o’clock. So a play-date would need to finish by 5, there would be no swimming lesson or Gymbaroo after that time, and any screen time would be monitored for content. If the child has been in day-care, a conversation about the day could be used to discuss what your son or daughter has enjoyed, learned or experienced. Quiet activities to let the child’s body and mind come to a state of calmness, are best in the late afternoon.
- While you are preparing dinner, your child could help by doing some chopping or mixing, setting the table, or just chatting. School children might be doing their homework. (For young children, homework is best done before dinner so it doesn’t stimulate the brain just before bedtime, making it hard to get to sleep.)
- Dinner with family members enjoying a conversation about their day, is a great family time. It’s an opportunity to connect in with each other, sort out any little concerns, plan ahead for the next day and talk about the things that are important to you. With the TV off, this is special relationship-building time. If your child is worried about something, it is better to discuss it before bedtime, rather than when s/he is supposed to be going to sleep.
- After dinner, older children can help clear the table and do the dishes. Now might be their homework time if it hasn’t already been done. For young children, there could be time for a short quiet play before a bath. Having a warm bath after dinner is usually relaxing for children – more relaxing than a shower. Bathing after dinner means there’s no spillage of food on the pyjamas.
- Once in their PJ’s children can hop into bed and finish the day with a story or two. Parents reading books to their young children is highly recommended as it sets up a love of reading, helps to build literacy skills, encourages physical closeness and lets the child drift off to sleep in a loving, safe environment.
- Check that all the necessary things are at hand – special blanket, soft toy, glass of water, and that toileting has been done. Toddlers and some school-aged children may want a light left on when they are going to sleep. Accommodate this by choosing a bed-side lamp or night-light with your child. Don’t insist on “Lights off, door closed, now go to sleep” – some children aren’t comfortable with this, and all children will take their own time to actually fall asleep.
- Make sure that you say “goodnight” to each child. There’s no need to talk about what you are going to do next, as your child might think s/he is missing out on something, even if it’s just doing the dishes!
If you have more than one child, think about the timing of each one going to bed. Older children can generally stay up a bit later than younger siblings, but need to keep their activities at a level of noise that doesn’t interfere with little brother/sister’s sleep. Staggering bedtimes according to age also means you can give each child their own special time with you, which is valuable for your relationship.
If you have young children who are going to bed shortly after dinner, don’t stress about doing the dishes straight away. It’s more important to get your son/daughter ready for bed happily at a suitable time. You can tidy up the kitchen once s/he is in bed.
All children need plenty of sleep to allow their bodies and their brains to grow and develop to their full potential. A child who is constantly tired may not perform well at anything, may be grumpy, difficult to handle and more likely to get sick. He or she may also have a low tolerance for disappointments and frustration, and this can be expressed as anger, aggression or tantrums.
Copyright Janet Powell, The Parenting Coach, Mentor Maestro
For parenting that is easier and more fun, contact Janet Powell on 03-9889-3991 or janet@mentormaestro.com
